A Lebanese social protocol
American Muslima Writer writes about her encounter with and subsequent adoption of a curious Lebanese custom:
At sister-in-law M’s house I would try to help her to clean up the breakfast dishes as it’s expected to show closeness and warmth by helping to clean up with fellow sisters or family that you want them to think you’re close to (and I am close to my in-laws I’m not just SHOWING help). But she would try to push me aside and take my sponge saying “A’yb go rest.” Meaning: you are shaming me as my guest by working in my house. Now normally an American would back off and go rest feeling that you tried and you backed off gracefully and the host is happy to be hosting you. But as an Arab this is WRONG! You are to grab that sponge back, forcefully if need be, and force your hostess to get out of your way, while you clean her dishes. She will hover and try to fight back for the sponge but if you’re determined enough she will feel a close bondness towards you because you are doing something good for her and helping her out. But be prepared for the consequences that if you do this once you are expected to do this every time. At M’s house the first four times I let her beat me and I went and sat and then i didn’t see her for a long time while she took all morning to clean the kitchen by herself. I was bored and regretted giving in. I talked to my husband about this and he told me what was expected of me to fight them back. So I tried it first at my husband’s sister’s house.
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