The topic has been discussed at length already, but HijabMan offers another take on the alleged “lack of good Muslim brothers” syndrome that I personally believe is a myth.
Muslim Marriage Monster
Reply
Category Archives: Family & Marriage
The Women Without Identities
Achelois writes about the case of those South Asian women who marry young into wealthy families in the Gulf, and how they lose their past and their identities in the process. She compares this to those men who marry Western women, and how the cultures vary considerably.
I feel sorry for these women because they have lost their identity. That is something that to me would be very painful. To come to a strange land where your husband lives with his very large family who speak in a language you are totally clueless about can be very daunting. Your in-laws will speak in that language with your co-wife while you sit looking at them blankly.
The Inverse Power of Praise
Muslim Mom discusses why positive reinforcement in children requires careful wording and an encouraging demeanour for it to be effective:
A group of studies found that students who are praised for being intelligent tend to quit whenever things get tough, whereas students who are praised for their effort become more persistent when faced with difficult challenges.
At first it seems like a small difference, to say “You really worked hard at this!” vs. “You’re so smart!” but the effects of praising a child’s intelligence and pegging him as a “smart kid” actually holds him back from acheiving his true potential.
When Your Parents Don’t Want You To Marry
Poem: Wedding Night of a Muslim Woman
Fatima Barkatulla asks: “What did your wedding night mean to you?”
“I wrote this a few days ago and tried to capture the feelings I had after my wedding, that evening when for the first time I prayed with my husband, and spent my first hours with him.”
My secret locked, a tale untold,
The only key, within your hand,
Too sacred for them to behold,
Too pure for them to understand.
An Uncommunicative Husband
When we behave antithetically to the principles of tawheed on a personal level, we effectively close all paths to learning. We lose the kind of learning that helps us reevaluate what we think is correct. When we stop learning, then we also become blocked to learning from one another. We put labels upon one another and condemn each other to that label, which prevents growth, change, and rejuvenation.
Du’a Requested for a Stressed Out Mother
Last week I highlighted the importance of du’a, and how it can have a very real effect on the recipient, even when they’re thousands of miles away. Whilst on my Ijtema “rounds” this evening, I came across this entry by a desperate sister. I’m not exactly sure of her circumstances – all I know is that she feels very alone, and somewhat abandoned by her community. Thus I felt compelled to ask the online “ummah” to step in, and remember this sister in your prayers… after what I’ve heard about the power of du’a, I am positive she will feel much better for it, insha’Allah:
One sister called every week to check on me, but even she has stopped. My husband’s friends threw some money at us 8 months ago. The money is gone and so are they. I get the feeling that I’m forgotten because I’m american. I’ve even been told that I was raised differently so it’s easy. I’m american and this is the US what’s the problem. I’ve also been reminded that my mom is here so I should be thankful…. I guess by here she meant in the US, but that doesn’t do me much good considering she is 1400 miles away. I’ve also been told I should be happy he’s an ocean away. My pain has been ignored and I have been forgotten about. I don’t expect people to drop everything they are doing to help me, but I do expect a litle bit of concern and compassion. That is something, as of yet, I haven’t received.
Welcome to the Family!
Asma shares a short lesson on the deeper meaning of a very familiar Arabic phrase: Ahlan wa Sahlan.
Subhan’Allah, three “simple” words make a whole family… how profound is that.