Category — Humour

Mr. Moo wants a monster.

Umar Lee

A lot of Muslims who converted from Christian families have the dilemma of not wanting to offend their families or see this day as the only opportunity to see all of their family in one place. Everyone does what they have to do; but at the end of the day Christmas is a celebration of shirk so not attending family Christmas celebrations is not a disrespect of your family, but rather upholding the Haqq of Tauheed. Like I told my grandmother I want the best for you and having a holiday for associating a partner with the Creator is not the best.

In this manner Christmas is a good time for dawah and in that sense it is a time when two things that are not popular for current Muslims to do in post 9-11 Muslim America; uphold the Truth and remain different and give dawah to Islam. As a young Muslims I can remember going out on dawah teams and every masjid having a department dedicated to the call to Islam.

And some fun at the City of Brass.

TheManOfFewWords-

Nevertheless, I didn’t want to quit, I wanted to get fired. You see, working without a care in the world of getting fired gives you an unmatched sense of freedom. So I had a lot of fun. When customers ordered a meal I thought was unhealthy I would tell them so and try and change their minds. I would demand that pregnant women not order drinks with caffeine and every once in a while my complete and utter disregard for the job would manifest in mind-blowing incompetence.

For example, one time I went to get two spatulas for a party of six for the pizza they ordered. I plopped the spatulas down on the table, said, “Enjoy your food” and left them flabbergasted. I had completely forgotten to bring the food!

Yet another time, after my table had been eating for quite a while I asked them if they needed refills. They told me I had not yet brought their drinks in the first place.

Needless to say I would relate these stories later, laughing heartily while I did so. My manager was not pleased since I would narrate them to him as well in all their raw hilarity. Whenever he complained I would simply tell him that I thought he was a good person and a good manager and that if he fired me I wouldn’t take it personally in the least. As a matter of fact, I would say, firing me would actually be the right thing to do.

A few days after Halloween, but perhaps with all the clamour over the US election, a little humour is warranted.

Via Mr. Moo: MUGS calls for rebranding of Halloween: Now to Be Called ‘Jinn Awareness Day’

Many Muslim children are taking part in the time honoured ritual of demanding sweets in lieu of socially sanctioned petty vandalism. However, these same Muslim children, along with their non-Muslim ghoulish friends, are unaware of Jinn.

Thanks, Minaretmuse!

From the tongue-in-cheek files: Mr. Moo describes the chaos that ensues when a Muslim umbrella organization for other Muslim umbrella organizations protests against a united Ramadhan.

“This was the one opportunity we had to avoid our families” said Mullah Charles Balasubramaniamnarasimharao, spokesperson for the group. “Every year we conveniently switch madhabs or geographical sightings, all so we don’t have to consume the dreaded first iftar with our mothers watching. This year, the mosque committes have let us down by starting Ramadhan on the same day”

A tip of the kufi to Minaret Muse.

American Muslima Writer writes about her encounter with and subsequent adoption of a curious Lebanese custom:

At sister-in-law M’s house I would try to help her to clean up the breakfast dishes as it’s expected to show closeness and warmth by helping to clean up with fellow sisters or family that you want them to think you’re close to (and I am close to my in-laws I’m not just SHOWING help). But she would try to push me aside and take my sponge saying “A’yb go rest.” Meaning: you are shaming me as my guest by working in my house. Now normally an American would back off and go rest feeling that you tried and you backed off gracefully and the host is happy to be hosting you. But as an Arab this is WRONG! You are to grab that sponge back, forcefully if need be, and force your hostess to get out of your way, while you clean her dishes. She will hover and try to fight back for the sponge but if you’re determined enough she will feel a close bondness towards you because you are doing something good for her and helping her out. But be prepared for the consequences that if you do this once you are expected to do this every time. At M’s house the first four times I let her beat me and I went and sat and then i didn’t see her for a long time while she took all morning to clean the kitchen by herself. I was bored and regretted giving in. I talked to my husband about this and he told me what was expected of me to fight them back. So I tried it first at my husband’s sister’s house.

“Yes, another marriage topic!” says our own iMuslim. She’s sharing an interesting idea from a friend, to help ease the “Is it a yes? Is it a no?” confusion in the marriage proposal hunt!

Now, how we do it in my community, is that after some initial discussion between parents and go-betweens over the phone, the guy and his family comes round to visit the girl and her family. After munching on samosas and tea for anywhere between 10 minutes to an hour, the girl and the guy usually get to spend some time with one another to ask questions. Depending on the family and their customs, they may sit alone in an open part of the house, or sit in the corner while their family pretends not to listen in.

After this �interview� period, the guy goes back to his family, there may be some more samosa munching, but usually the boy�s family goes home soon after.

What follows is usually an agonising wait while the guy�s family makes their decision. It might be a day. It might be a week. They may never respond (yes, it happens! How rude?). True, it is only agonising if the girl is actually interested� else, who cares, right? Anyway, this whole waiting period usually results in unnecessary stress for the girl�s family, which may lead to squabbling and other unpleasantness.

But, there is another way, my friends.

The topic has been discussed at length already, but HijabMan offers another take on the alleged “lack of good Muslim brothers” syndrome that I personally believe is a myth.